CHANGE

I dunno wat I m doin nw or at all y am I riting dis in d 1^st plac bt jst dat I needed 2 vomit…..2day ws shivani’s bday nd dat is wat a bottle f vodka dos, I mean u dnt wanna rember bullsht stuff bt den u do…nd u do nd u do until u hav tears rolin dwn ur cheeks nd sleep in ur eyes bt dat same recurring dream wich damn dsnt let u sleep bt u stil manage 2 fall asleep cuz ur lids r heavy as lead nd memories wich threaten 2 throttle u…..

i realized sumthin of late nd dat has hrt me lik hell….ppl chng…nd wile I dnt giv a damn as 2 wat odrs do wid deir lives bt ges wat close ppl…..ppl who wer ur alter ego once chang…cn u beat dat?i mean hw can u?nd y wil u?u hav no rite….initialy wen I used 2 dream abt leving dis colg I knew jst one thing…I wud luv my frends d samway nd send rahul rakhi thru mails nd evrythin wud be changed bt stil wud remain d sam bt nw…I hav been a witness nd ppl chng, dammit dey do…ges hw tuf wud dat b 2 deal wid?2day I am sayin I luv dis nd 2mrw…I hat d sam bloody thin’…height f hypocrisy….shit man…it sux,big time.2 think f it, ppl chng lik seasons…radr dayz….it ws so easy b4 I used 2 prmise I wud b der 2 enjoy my best frends weeding bt nw….i am so scared I shal chng dat I wenevr I promise al dis stuff afr colege I hav dis fear dat at all things wud b sam…things wud chang bt damn, wud it chng so much dat I wud strt being scared f brownie or perhaps, I wud run away from my frends…..it hurts 2 think lik dat,wat d fuk man…luv dem , use dem nd den lev dem……y?jst cuz u hav changed…..

D odr day me nd my frends werwalkin dwn d road 2 colegfe nd den suddenly “nothing staz d sam”…..i rplied”atlest d road wud satay d sam”….is dat it? I mean u chng nd evrythin chnges…..sumtimes I feel dat I am makin’ a big issue outta nothin’……

Bt den “I shall plant my apple tree evn if d wrld is goin 2 end 2mrw”….

Nd until evrythin is changed from a 2 zee…I wud fancy myself…..

Terrrrrible updates......

browny is agin hrt…hw much I hat it….i had a nice bt short tim 2day in d hostel…while wo sabki raaton ki neend kaharap kharap karta hai..meri to bhaiya aish hai….i play nd talk 2 him as tho he is one amongst us…heeeheeee….poore neethu nd ria nd also radha…dey r damn scared f dogs…..dis tim he has hrt himself on his cheek….such a dog, literaaly…..nywaz…..hencefrth shal keep bread in d rum nd shal feed him….nice thot nd a awsumly relaxin one…..sumthingud 4 a change……

gotto go nw….shal writ soon on “my frends”- cant wait 2 pen it dwn…..til den..

happy reading nd feeding animals……

regards,

MB.

REREADING

Few daz bak my dear frend,neethu rtrnd hostl ftr vacations nd rtrnd the vry huge and d vry bulky and d vry hevy and one f my vry favourite buks “Gone With The Wind”.i am d proud owner f d classic nd I had lent her d buk 4 d vacations; ftr a lot f prodding. Yeah, actually I luv d buk soo much dat I need 2 refer 2 d buk once in a wile as if I need sum guidance from it in daily lif .but yes dats d truth nd i cant tel u hw much I luv d buk….its nt a buk, it’s a life in itself…its about real imperfect ppl nd hw deir vry imperfections mak dem purfct. As I opened d buk d buk brought wid itself all d memories dat I associate wid nd widout it…I mean I read d buk wen I ws at my damn low point in lif…nd I cant describe hw d buk kidnapped me in2 itself nd 4 a few daz ftr reding I ws in a daze. So much so dat on d day wen I ws gonna end it..i deliberately stopped redin it lest it ends….it ws lik anticipating d end ws evn more exciting nd riveting dan d very end…I dunno wethr I mak sens bt al I kno is I didn’t wnt 2 read it till d end lest it finishes nd takes away al dat I hav been feling 4 abt 5-6 daz(its a preety thik buk). I had nd stil hav a huggggggggge crush on Rhett Butler….d protagonists lover…nd I remember scribbling in d buk many times”I luv Rhett” nd stuff wich nw makes u blush…..watevr dat ws den nd nw evry time I hv reread d buk I hav discovered nuances nd new angles of lukin at d sam instance…..

I kno wid most f us…once we finish reding d buk…d gift is unwrapped nd u kno, we nevr reread d buk….coz we don’t anticipate nythin’…sumthin lik d thot of opening an unwrapped gift is much mor xciting dan d gift itslf; we kno d end nd dats it….bt I read “God of Small Things” dis summer and discovrd y I hv fallen in luv wid Scarlett O’Hara(protagonist) nd Rhett nd d words nd its lyrical flow wid ech pasing year. Read on…..

“It didn’t matter that the story had begun, because kathakali discovered long ago that the secret of the Great Stories is that they have no secrets. The Great Stories are the ones you have heard and want to hear again. The ones you can enter anywhere and inhabit comfortably. They don’t deceive you with thrills and trick endings. They don’t surprise you with the unforeseen. They are as familiar as the house you live in. Or the smell of your lover’s skin. You know how they end, yet you listen as though you don’t. In the way that although you know that one day you will die, you live as though you won’t. In the Great Stories you know who lives, who dies, who finds love, who doesn’t. And yet you want to know again. That is their mystery and their magic.”- quoting from God of Small things….

Isn’t dat b’ful…dats one f d most b’ful text I hv evr read….such a great mystery unraveled in such simple wrds nd yet so strikingly b’ful….

I plan 2 read “God of Small Things” again in short tim….nd “Gone with the Wind”…I hv problems evn sharing d buk wid sum1…bad me; from reding buks, I hv nw turned 2 reding red buks….nd rediscoverin’ new dimensions within d buk nd most importantly…myself.

Regards,

Happy reading…..ME.