ummmm....hmmmmm

"Bed Of Roses"

Sitting here wasted and wounded
At this old piano
Trying hard to capture
The moment this morning I don't know
'Cause a bottle of vodka
Is still lodged in my head
And some blonde gave me nightmares
I think that she's still in my bed
As I dream about movies
They won't make of me when I'm dead

With an ironclad fist I wake up and
French kiss the morning
While some marching band keeps
Its own beat in my head
While we're talking
About all of the things that I long to believe
About love and the truth and
What you mean to me
And the truth is baby you're all that I need

I want to lay you down in a bed of roses
For tonite I sleep on a bed of nails
I want to be just as close as the Holy Ghost is
And lay you down on a bed of roses

Well I'm so far away
That each step that I take is on my way home
A king's ransom in dimes I'd given each night
Just to see through this payphone
Still I run out of time
Or it's hard to get through
Till the bird on the wire flies me back to you
I'll just close my eyes and whisper,
Baby blind love is true

I want to lay you down in a bed of roses
For tonite I sleep on a bed of nails
I want to be just as close as the Holy Ghost is
And lay you down on a bed of roses

The hotel bar hangover whiskey's gone dry
The barkeeper's wig's crooked
And she's giving me the eye
I might have said yeah
But I laughed so hard I think I died

Now as you close your eyes
Know I'll be thinking about you
While my mistress she calls me
To stand in her spotlight again
Tonite I won't be alone
But you know that don't
Mean I'm not lonely I've got nothing to prove
For it's you that I'd die to defend

I want to lay you down in a bed of roses
For tonite I sleep on a bed of nails
I want to be just as close as the Holy Ghost is
And lay you down on a bed of roses


d only ceratinity in d world is uncertainity....
bt den agin...
"sumtimes d only thing dat is reqd to chng d world is not 2 b changed by it"....

DIS IS MY HOSTEL....

This is my hostel…I stay in preetilata hall of residence of NIT,Dgp….one of d premier colleges of India,possibly next in line to the IIT’s.i m posting ftr a long time…bt der,dnt blame me for wenevr I sat to write I ws eithr so scared dat I had 2 luk to the window of my 1^st floor rum evry 10 seconds wether deres sum peepin tom waching me (nd my concentraton went 2 dogs)…..or odrwise I ws staring fixedly towards d door in fear of a 5feet snake trying 2 venture thru d crack of my door…all dis in 1^st floor room of one f d most esteemed colleges of India…yes dis is my hostel.

We hav a common joke floating in d hostel corridors….i’l suffer 4rm urinary infection cuz I dnt go 2 d loo late in d n8s 4 fear of eithr jst being bitten by d snake or being hurt by a thief roamin’ in d corridors….gawwwwd…gimme a brek,seriously in a girls hostel…v hav a case where a man was caught around 4 45 in d morning wid his hands inside d room f a pre final year in d 2^nd floor.are u kidin me?pls…my parents didn’t send me her 2 b filmed in a flick or being bitten in a ghastly manner…nobody’s did.

We don’t hav d l8 nite chats cuz I m scared 2 rtrn 2 my rum ftr d bhaat session…..we dnt go 2 d bathrums,ndrstandly…..nd we alwaz keep our windows locked evn tho we mite b suffocating inside 4 fear of sumbody waving thru d windows…dis is my hostel.Wat wrse man,final year f d college…

Nd 2 mak maters worse dis is d icing on d cake….d security guards mocks us dat v mite hav ‘invited’ guards inside…..hw dare he….our application 2 beef up d security in nd around d hostel is lost in dis xtremely loooooooong process of ‘administrative hierarchy’…nd 2 talk abt dguards nt killin d snake…he goes around in d jungle(dat is d area around d hostel) at 9 30 in d n8(he lies well) 2 luk 4 d snake W/O A TORCH. Kill me…

Dis is my hostel…or is dis?

P.S- 2mrw we r goin 2 go 2 d director…..no longer d administrative hierarchy….fuk d system...

CHANGE

I dunno wat I m doin nw or at all y am I riting dis in d 1^st plac bt jst dat I needed 2 vomit…..2day ws shivani’s bday nd dat is wat a bottle f vodka dos, I mean u dnt wanna rember bullsht stuff bt den u do…nd u do nd u do until u hav tears rolin dwn ur cheeks nd sleep in ur eyes bt dat same recurring dream wich damn dsnt let u sleep bt u stil manage 2 fall asleep cuz ur lids r heavy as lead nd memories wich threaten 2 throttle u…..

i realized sumthin of late nd dat has hrt me lik hell….ppl chng…nd wile I dnt giv a damn as 2 wat odrs do wid deir lives bt ges wat close ppl…..ppl who wer ur alter ego once chang…cn u beat dat?i mean hw can u?nd y wil u?u hav no rite….initialy wen I used 2 dream abt leving dis colg I knew jst one thing…I wud luv my frends d samway nd send rahul rakhi thru mails nd evrythin wud be changed bt stil wud remain d sam bt nw…I hav been a witness nd ppl chng, dammit dey do…ges hw tuf wud dat b 2 deal wid?2day I am sayin I luv dis nd 2mrw…I hat d sam bloody thin’…height f hypocrisy….shit man…it sux,big time.2 think f it, ppl chng lik seasons…radr dayz….it ws so easy b4 I used 2 prmise I wud b der 2 enjoy my best frends weeding bt nw….i am so scared I shal chng dat I wenevr I promise al dis stuff afr colege I hav dis fear dat at all things wud b sam…things wud chang bt damn, wud it chng so much dat I wud strt being scared f brownie or perhaps, I wud run away from my frends…..it hurts 2 think lik dat,wat d fuk man…luv dem , use dem nd den lev dem……y?jst cuz u hav changed…..

D odr day me nd my frends werwalkin dwn d road 2 colegfe nd den suddenly “nothing staz d sam”…..i rplied”atlest d road wud satay d sam”….is dat it? I mean u chng nd evrythin chnges…..sumtimes I feel dat I am makin’ a big issue outta nothin’……

Bt den “I shall plant my apple tree evn if d wrld is goin 2 end 2mrw”….

Nd until evrythin is changed from a 2 zee…I wud fancy myself…..

Terrrrrible updates......

browny is agin hrt…hw much I hat it….i had a nice bt short tim 2day in d hostel…while wo sabki raaton ki neend kaharap kharap karta hai..meri to bhaiya aish hai….i play nd talk 2 him as tho he is one amongst us…heeeheeee….poore neethu nd ria nd also radha…dey r damn scared f dogs…..dis tim he has hrt himself on his cheek….such a dog, literaaly…..nywaz…..hencefrth shal keep bread in d rum nd shal feed him….nice thot nd a awsumly relaxin one…..sumthingud 4 a change……

gotto go nw….shal writ soon on “my frends”- cant wait 2 pen it dwn…..til den..

happy reading nd feeding animals……

regards,

MB.

REREADING

Few daz bak my dear frend,neethu rtrnd hostl ftr vacations nd rtrnd the vry huge and d vry bulky and d vry hevy and one f my vry favourite buks “Gone With The Wind”.i am d proud owner f d classic nd I had lent her d buk 4 d vacations; ftr a lot f prodding. Yeah, actually I luv d buk soo much dat I need 2 refer 2 d buk once in a wile as if I need sum guidance from it in daily lif .but yes dats d truth nd i cant tel u hw much I luv d buk….its nt a buk, it’s a life in itself…its about real imperfect ppl nd hw deir vry imperfections mak dem purfct. As I opened d buk d buk brought wid itself all d memories dat I associate wid nd widout it…I mean I read d buk wen I ws at my damn low point in lif…nd I cant describe hw d buk kidnapped me in2 itself nd 4 a few daz ftr reding I ws in a daze. So much so dat on d day wen I ws gonna end it..i deliberately stopped redin it lest it ends….it ws lik anticipating d end ws evn more exciting nd riveting dan d very end…I dunno wethr I mak sens bt al I kno is I didn’t wnt 2 read it till d end lest it finishes nd takes away al dat I hav been feling 4 abt 5-6 daz(its a preety thik buk). I had nd stil hav a huggggggggge crush on Rhett Butler….d protagonists lover…nd I remember scribbling in d buk many times”I luv Rhett” nd stuff wich nw makes u blush…..watevr dat ws den nd nw evry time I hv reread d buk I hav discovered nuances nd new angles of lukin at d sam instance…..

I kno wid most f us…once we finish reding d buk…d gift is unwrapped nd u kno, we nevr reread d buk….coz we don’t anticipate nythin’…sumthin lik d thot of opening an unwrapped gift is much mor xciting dan d gift itslf; we kno d end nd dats it….bt I read “God of Small Things” dis summer and discovrd y I hv fallen in luv wid Scarlett O’Hara(protagonist) nd Rhett nd d words nd its lyrical flow wid ech pasing year. Read on…..

“It didn’t matter that the story had begun, because kathakali discovered long ago that the secret of the Great Stories is that they have no secrets. The Great Stories are the ones you have heard and want to hear again. The ones you can enter anywhere and inhabit comfortably. They don’t deceive you with thrills and trick endings. They don’t surprise you with the unforeseen. They are as familiar as the house you live in. Or the smell of your lover’s skin. You know how they end, yet you listen as though you don’t. In the way that although you know that one day you will die, you live as though you won’t. In the Great Stories you know who lives, who dies, who finds love, who doesn’t. And yet you want to know again. That is their mystery and their magic.”- quoting from God of Small things….

Isn’t dat b’ful…dats one f d most b’ful text I hv evr read….such a great mystery unraveled in such simple wrds nd yet so strikingly b’ful….

I plan 2 read “God of Small Things” again in short tim….nd “Gone with the Wind”…I hv problems evn sharing d buk wid sum1…bad me; from reding buks, I hv nw turned 2 reding red buks….nd rediscoverin’ new dimensions within d buk nd most importantly…myself.

Regards,

Happy reading…..ME.

BROWNY, GOOGLU AND GOOGLY

I dunno wat is dis thin’ about dogs dat cathches me on;I tell u its sumthin lik a c a dog and I cant kip my hands of him. I was alwaz an animal lover….I have a pet puppy at home for lik years now, I had a stray dog once but my dear dear mom shooed him away; I once had a rabbit(didn’t lik her much tho)….and birds…I hav many of dem at hom…not caged mind u…and we do not feed them as well…its just dat dey have made deir nest near my room…about 5 of dem,and at night or wen its pouring outsides u can alwaz hear deir chi-chi….isnt dat sweeet? It’s a question I neednt ask.

I remember petting browny (not officially) from 1^st year itself. Its sumthing abt dat mark on his forehead, d way closes his eyes wen u tuch his forehead…and bad enuf for him d way he hurts himself almost evry odr day; sumtimes limping on dis paw, sumtimes on d oder….but boy,he is adorable. I saw him d odr day in front of d main building and I cald him…d way he responded dat he was happy 2 c me….d wagging f his tail…I kno he ws happy….u jst tap on his forehead and I tel u…he’s on his way….i mean u neednt giv him any food,he’l stil b as happy 2 c u (quite unlik ppl). Wen googlu and googly(dose r stupid names…my frend evn jokd once as 2 wat was deir mom’s names,google? Funny,yeh); wer born in d drain at LH more(place in colg) I saw once dat shopkeepers der wer feeding dem…and dat is true in evry sens of d term. But den who wudnt? Soft, black and white balls of fur all huddled together….u cant help but luv dem.

Unfortunately, it isn’t alwaz so. I once went 2 c googlu nd googly wen dey wer stil quite small nd had jst strtd running about…I remember he ws limping badly; I askd d shpkpr (lalu da) and he told me sum bicycle had cm nd hit him….gosh wat r u?blind. sum ppl I kno behave lik dogs r snakes in d sens dat u hav 2 kill snakes –poisonous or not; in d sam way dey hav 2 do sumthin 2 get rid of d bloody dogs…if dey do nt pelt stones demselves, dey r so damn scarrrreeeeeeddd dat dey r RABID or sumthin’ wrse(do nt spread rumors atleast….dey shud get an Oscar for dat fabulos acting) dat sum1 els had 2 purge dem of d terror. U don’t lik dogs, get out f d way….vry simple and lemme assure u dat dey’l nt cm 2 u lukin for food and in d least lukin for wat dey need most and wich u r incapable of givin’ – LOVE.

But den der r som sunshine daz wen I c an MBA di (nw pass out) patting browny’s head as if it ws a routin affair and him forgetting me 4 a momnt(I felt jelus, must admit); or wen I c dat hugly notorius black puppy in LH carrying stolen pair of shoes and parading away wid his prize in his mouth firmly secured 2 tear it away 2 glory and hav a whale of time….i bcum speechles. dis particular incident wen dis blak pupy ws carrying incidentally nt 1 but both d shoes ws pointed 2 me by hostel wali mashi(1 who cuks) and she ws lafing hr hart out….i cudnt help grining 2. I am so happy dat in my cors f 2 years dat I kno my bf, I hv transformed him from a guy who ws bloody terrified of dogs 2 one who nw can atlest empathize wid dem; sumtimes from a distance and sumtimes d distance dsnt matr…d last tim v wer in colg I ws playing wid browny and boy my bf patted him 2…..eeeeeeeeeeeeeee……..he ws a litl scred, bt den wat d hell….browny as usual ws a sweetheart.

Wen I ws younger my dad told me dis-

“What is the difference between a stray dog and a stray man? If u feed a stray dog, he’ll never bite you but if you feed a stray man, he is sure to bite you.” – mark twain

(D wrds mite b a litl difrnt due 2 my oft usage of dis particular quote but den d essence remains d same).

I m nt sur of d stray man part but I can asure and reassure u abt d stray dog part….do try yourself and figure it out(u neednt go 2 Haridwar 2 purge ur sins, u hv a golden chance 2 lessen 1 nw J)

Regards……ME.

TORTUROUS TERRIFIC TITTILATING TATTOO

I saw number 23…nd boy all I saw was Jim Carrey’s tattoo….1 word WOW….i see afterglow…nd dere again d tattoo…wat a beauty….Angelina Jolie….i have problems deciding wat I love more about her…she or her strategically placed tattoo…me and shivi, we wanted and still want a tattoo badly…I mean dats real bad…so we all got strtd for the ever elusive tattoo…I checked d prices and its enuf to jhonkofy my 1 month’s pocket munny in aag…I mean boy its around 1500 to 2000 in places where u can get it done I mean we get a tattoo and live to show it,oder places u nevr kno ppl in the college will get holidaz on account of twin deaths…AIDS from tattoo needles, and diseases I cant even pronounce and am nt aware….

I was wondering wats dere in just a picture pasted or radr carved permanently on your wrist,upper arm or in places which u cant evn show off not in our college atleast;I mean its crazy 2 get something done with 2000 bucks and u cant evn show it off;on top of dat not 2 forget d blood and d pain….and den y 2 do it in d 1^st place wen u can simply get a fake, dat 2 much cheaper and dat 2 no pain and wen latr u feel against dat painted thing as is obvious u can simply get done with it….back 2 square1.much btr dan a tattoo. But den I ges I shal still go with a tattoo,its lik a forbidden fruit u gotto taste,u don’t kno whether u goin’ 2 lik it or not but den it gives a feeling of permanence; something like u tak a decision and its goin 2 be with u throughout ur life…lik it or not…and den its sooo cool…its daring, different, adventurous…and gives dat adrenaline rush for a short time perhaps, but den I suppose its worth it.

Den I began my quest for the perfect symbol (read it in d deep baritone story reading kinda manner). I chose a symbol wich gives u mixed felings…I mean I dunno but I decided on a symbol wich will not alwaz remind me of sumthing(I don’t lik 2 do a post mortem of my past);sumthing wich will not alwaz make me happy(I don’t wanna die of diabetes);neither sumthing which will alwaz mak me sad(tears fear me)….but sumthing wich at times shall make u happy,sumtimes will set u reminiscing past times…and shal at times giv u dat gentle push and ur eyes will only be 2 hapy 2 ovrcum….i finally settled for a cross legged angel(a girl wid wings)…with a slight aberration…2 sweet litl sharp horns. I liked it. I looooooooovvvvved it. I dunno how I got it but I jst, u kno, u hav momnts wen sumthing jst clicks and u jst kno it cant b mor correct dan dis…it wws sumthin lik dat…

Eeeeeeee……so finally all decided(me and shivu had decided a long back)….we are still running for dat ever elusive tattoo. ges we’l FINALLY get it done in FINAL year 4 dis might be our FINAL chance….(pun intended).

Happy reading

Regards …..ME